How To Make Reindeer Food And Why You Might Not Want Too
AKA: What To Say When Your Child Asks If Santa Is Real
The following is an excerpt from Chapter 10 of Becoming A Rock Star Parent: A new Approach To Build Your Confidence, Raise Happier Families, ad Really ROCK the Parenting Gig:
It was December, and I was in the garage with my oldest son. He was in third grade at the time. His youngest sister had come home from kindergarten with a Ziploc baggie full of reindeer food, and she had been instructed to spread it out over the front lawn on Christmas Eve so the reindeer had a snack too. After all, the reindeer are the ones pulling the sleigh, and they need this just as much as Santa needs cookies. But my son was very concerned that the glitter mixed in with the oats wasn’t very healthy for the reindeer. He knew he wasn’t supposed to eat glitter, so he was questioning the safety of the reindeer trail mix for the reindeer too. I kept reassuring him that the reindeer would be OK and not to worry about them so much.
He was talking all around the issue of whether or not any of it was true, and I felt myself getting uncomfortable. It was just a matter of minutes in the onslaught of questions before he stopped, looked me in the eye, and asked me if it was real. And then it happened. He reasoned that if Santa wasn’t real and reindeer didn’t pull the sleigh, then throwing the glitter on the front yard would be OK because they weren’t going to be eating it anyway. He was really trying to balance not hurting his sister’s feelings with his concern for the reindeer. He started having doubts about the logistics of how anyone could travel around the world in one night anyway, and the words, “Mom, is Santa even real?” spilled out of his mouth.
He and I were alone in the garage, so the timing was good to be able to have that conversation in private, and I replied, “No, there isn’t actually a jolly man in a red suit that flies across the world in one night, but the spirit of Christmas is real, and that is what we celebrate every year.” (Side Note: This response wasn’t necessarily how I answered when kid #2 and #3 asked me the same question, but it got the job done. I do suggest you think about what you want to say in advance so you’ll be more ready than I was when the moment comes. Go to the end of this post to see some more suggestions)
I imagined he would start crying and be horribly disappointed when he finally learned the truth. Instead, he had more questions:
“If Santa isn’t real, who eats the cookies? Who writes the note? Who buys the presents?”
Thankfully, this revelation that Santa wasn’t real gave him some long sought after answers too. Like that one year when his cousins got a wooden playset, a trip to Disney World, and ATVs from Santa, and he only got a Lego set… now it all made sense. He could now emphatically conclude that his cousins, in fact, did not have the same Santa after all.
Our son was not only NOT disappointed at all, but was also very happy to keep the charade alive for his younger siblings, especially since I told him he could stay up on Christmas Eve and help arrange the presents. He asked, “Can I eat the cookie and sprinkle the crumbs on the table?” I was noncommittal on that last request. He would have to ask his dad if he could have that honor.
When it comes to teaching our kids the truth about these fictional characters, let’s just lay the parental cards on the proverbial table. We preach and teach and rant to our kids about the importance of being honest. We even dole out consequences to our kids when they aren’t honest. And then we tell them stories about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Leprechauns, and we devise more lies to embellish the lie about their existence.
We even go so far as to ask other people to help us support the lie and get angry if others spoil it for our kids before we’re ready to reveal the truth to them ourselves. I can clearly see the hypocrisy, yet I still perpetuated the myth that Santa likes sugar cookies the best and he didn’t need a chimney to be able to deliver presents because we lived in Florida and no one had chimneys. We let our kids believe that chocolate gets delivered by a giant bunny wearing a pastel vest and bow tie, that gold can be found at the end of a rainbow, and when they lost their teeth, they had a valuable asset they could trade for money if they put it under their pillow.
But don’t worry. This is a judgment free zone, so whether you allowed your kids to believe or told them the truth from the very beginning, it’s all good with me.
But for those who do let their children believe, at some point or another around Christmastime, we have to decide when to tackle the question, “When do I tell my kids that Santa isn’t real after all?”
For some reason, we hypothesize that the magic of Christmas will be ruined if we do reveal that dad eats the cookies and mom writes the Thank You note with her nondominant hand. But will it really? Is the magic and innocence of childhood so fragile that it can’t take a good dose of reality?
Honestly, I don’t think so, which brings me full circle. Even with all those left-brain, solidly researched articles about how it's NOT a good thing to tell your kids these stories, we still did. In fact, we made it last as long as we could. We did, however, agree that as soon as one of our kids looked us in the eye and asked us for a straight answer, they were old enough to handle being told the truth. And so, there I was in the garage with my oldest son, honestly answering his very perceptive questions.
It was just a matter of a few years before the curtain had been pulled back on the whole Holiday Heroes gig with all of our children. It seemed like every year, for three years in a row, one of them discerned the truth. I honestly wish it had happened before I had to help construct very elaborate leprechaun traps out of sticks, string, and upside down shoeboxes for school projects, but that’s OK. We had green glitter left over from the reindeer food anyway. Funny how my kids finally realized why we never caught a leprechaun no matter how amazing those traps they designed were.
If you find yourself wondering if this year is “the year” you get asked the question about whether or not Santa is real, here are some research-backed ways to answer the question when your little one asks:
Santa is a Symbol Approach
“The Santa we take pictures with or that you see in the movies is a person in a costume. There isn’t a person who lives at the North Pole and delivers toys to children around the world. People like to dress up as Santa because they like to show others kindness and bring happiness to the world around us. It helps us believe that we can be like Santa as we give gifts and do nice things for people too- not just at Christmas, but all year long. That is the part that is truly special.”
Keep the Magic Alive Approach
“Even though Santa isn’t a real person who visits everyone’s home at Christmas, the magic of Christmas is very real. It has been so fun to use our imaginations and believe in magic. We can still keep using our imaginations to do all the fun things we have always done if you want to, even though we understand what is real and what was magic. We can still write a Santa letter and go take pictures with him at the mall. We can still make cookies and set out a plate of them on Christmas Eve along with that reindeer food. And, we can still wrap presents and give special gifts to people we love to be just like Santa too if you still want to.”
Don’t Spoil It For Others Approach
“Remember, not all families see Santa in the same way we do. Some children still believe in Santa, and it's important to respect their beliefs and the traditions in their families. In fact, your younger brothers and sisters still believe he is real too. It's okay for us to have our special way of celebrating Christmas, and we want to respect that other families that their own way of celebrating too. We don’t want to spoil it for others who see things differently. Let's keep our family traditions to ourselves and let others enjoy their own beliefs. If you want to, we’d love it if you chose to play along with us as we use our imaginations to make Christmas fun for the kids who still believe. What do you think? Do you also want to keep pretending for a little while longer?”
You can adapt any of these approaches for your own kids, or use a combination of all of them if you want to. The bottom line is, you are the parent and you can do what feels best for you and your family. Remember though, it’s best if you are on the same page with your co-parent. That way if one of you gets that “is Santa even real” question and the other parent isn’t present, you can answer the question the way you agreed upon.
What are some other ways you can handle this delicate situation in your own home? Let us know in the comments below!
And if you are interested in purchasing a copy of Becoming A Rock Star Parent: A new Approach To Build Your Confidence, Raise Happier Families, ad Really ROCK the Parenting Gig, you can find it HERE in both paperback and as an eBook.